i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
