I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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