Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
