having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
