Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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