chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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