I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
