I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
