Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
