some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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