He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
