I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you didnt know i had herpes?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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