I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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