Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
