In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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