Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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