My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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