I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
