and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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