I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
