Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
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How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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