I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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