No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
