we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
