My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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