just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
