By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
