thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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