Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
