This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
