Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
