Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you would pick up someone in the library
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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