GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You have to summon your inner elephant
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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