People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
