apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
