Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
