its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
