everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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