Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
