He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
