apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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