Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
