ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
