I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
