You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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