Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
