Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
