Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
