either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize