Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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