plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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