Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I cockslap morals
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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