I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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