i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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