i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize