I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
