it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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