Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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