At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Farmville is her only friend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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