Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
