FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
