i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
