All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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