I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The Olympian is in my bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
