dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
