32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
