Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
